I have come to realize that the relationship between sisters is one of a complicated nature. This relationship spans love, jealousy, pride, jealousy, anger, jealousy, and judgement...oh, and love.
I have this dream you see...a dream where my sister and I are best friends. I have had this dream for many years and it eludes me still. We are about as different as two people can get, with the only similarities causing us to clash like the Titans. Don't get me wrong...I love her and she loves me and if we were either in a life or death situation, the other would be there to save. With that said, we find ourselves on the opposite ends of a wide spectrum.
I am rather plump...she is stick thin. I have blonde straight hair...she has long curly dark hair. She loves running...I hate running. She loves Coach...I love Ross. She loves high heels...I love my Crocs. I love being Spring trash...she is an Inner Looper. I am emotional and an over-pleaser...she is emotional and has no need to please at all. She has her Masters in Business...I have my bachelor's in Psychology. She studied...I didn't. I need her...she doesn't need me.
Fortunately, to my 6 followers...she has never looked at my blog that I'm aware of, so my confessions will not be heard. If by chance they are...maybe it will help us. Even though I am the big sister, I feel like I'm always trying to live up to her. I'm always trying to make her proud of me, to no avail. And what is so funny is that I am so very proud of her. She is a strong, independent, and opinionated woman that has made a successful life for herself. I have told her many times how proud I am of her. I have never heard those words directed at me.
Excuse the pity-party. I hope some of you understand what I'm going through. I'm going to try and pray for us to "find" each other. I think I need to let go that constant strive to exceed her expectations because I probably won't even meet them. I need to be happy with my own accomplishments and feel self-satisfaction in my attributes. I should not worry about what other people think...even my sister.
So, I call out to you to tell me that I'm not crazy. That sisters are complicated...not just for me and mine. Take care this Sunday. I pray for a wonderful week for all of us! Apologies for my lack of blogging...will try and be better.
k
Zachary Ethan
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About Me
- Claire's Mom
- I have been married 5 years to my Peter Pan of a husband...Daniel. I love him very much! I'm also Mom to Claire, who turned one this month as well. I'm blessed.
4 comments:
I don't have a sister, but really have nothing in common with my own brother...6 years younger, none of the same interests, in the Navy and living out-of-state. But what I have experienced is that once both of you are married with kids you'll find much more common ground (she's engaged, right?). And you might even feel more like the Big Sis, since you've done the parenting thing first. I've really enjoyed getting to know my sis-in-law now that we're both mommies :) And yeah, don't worry about what anyone thinks, except Daniel and Claire :) And I'm sure you're top on their lists! Yes, let's get together soon...maybe the first week of Nov?
I think sometimes family in general is really complicated. You are definitely not the only one.
I also think women tend to be shockingly (and sadly) judgmental of women who make different choices than they do . . . I'm not sure what it is, or why it is exactly, but theorize there is always some jealousy involved. I remember one time in parenting magazine there was a poll with comments, some of which I thought were really hurtful about having domestic help. Why would anyone actually be offended about someone else having a house cleaner?? I don't know your sister at all, but maybe there is just some of that weird woman stuff involved.
I will also quote a forward a got a lone time ago, "just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they aren't loving you the best that they can."
But I agree with you, and Blair . . . it matters that you are happy with you, even though it still hurts when other people don't or can't support you and love you in the way hope for.
Marlene and I were best friends until we were about 5. Then her dad and my mom got married and we became step-sisters and we did not get along! We are very different and she went through a lot of painful stuff during her teenage years, which I didn't understand at the time. In the past several years, we've become a lot closer and it really feels like we're sisters now. We not only love each other, we LIKE each other, too.
I can relate to a lot of things you said: I'm blonde and plump, she's skinny and brunette. She's career-driven, logical, math-savvy, a bit callous, very direct (to the point of hurting another's feelings without realizing or caring about it), and very opinionated. I'm focused more on developing relationships with people, following my heart and my passions, being a peacemaker (which sometimes turns into a people-pleaser), a nurturer.
Our relationship improved greatly when we spent more time together after she got married and had a family. While her personality is still fully intact, being a mom caused other qualities of compassion and understanding to be drawn out of her. It also gave her a better appreciation for the sense of family. Connecting with family members (like me) was more important than guarding her fiercely independent and isolationist tendencies.
We're still very different, yet we appreciate each other's qualities. I'm grateful that although I'm not as "successful" as her, she has made a point of telling me that she values me and is proud of me. It took us a loooong time to get there, though.
Best of luck to you and your sister.
You are not alone with the family drama!!!!!! I think that families that don't have a lot of drama are just not very close. Tight knit families require a lot more maintenance but definitely worth it, although sometimes you want to throw in the towel and go into hidding!
Mindy and I have come a long way over the years. Marriage and kids makes all the difference.
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