That's Not Me

Some of us are housekeepers, right? Some of us are very tidy, but not so clean. Some of us are tidy and clean to an extreme. Some of us are not tidy or clean. Etc. I strive to be both tidy and clean, and yet I am not.

I know that my friends say their houses are a mess, but I feel like I am constantly battling my house. Your home should be your haven, your nap-mat, your warm bath and a cup of hot chocolate and a good book! I often feel a prisoner in my own home.

The clutter

The dust

I will finally get my kitchen counter cleared off and somehow, twenty-four hours later...mail from a thousand mailboxes has deposited itself there along with Claire's shoes, a bag of half eaten pecans, and coupons I have not yet clipped.
This phenomenon is going to be the end of me I tell you.

All I ask is for some tips on how to keep things manageable. I understand my house will not always be clean and that the laundry will not always be done. I understand. I just need a plan, a recipe if you will, for order. Tell me please...and I will do it. Please take into consideration I have a toddler following me around throughout the day, which causes a great deal of joy and inability to focus on toilet cleaning.

Help me I say...I'm buried!
k

Farm Ville

Ok, so my husband got me hooked on this complete time-waster of a game called "FarmVille" on Facebook. I just need to see if anyone else has made this part of their daily routine like brushing your teeth or pooping? Really? Daniel and I each make our way into the study in the evening..."Are you going to farm?"..."Yup".

Really?

I have a finite amount of time after Claire goes to bed to relax and reflect and get my butt in bed before we start the routine over at about 5am. Why, oh why do I spend at least thirty minutes a night "farming"? I know part of it is the competitive drive to beat my husband, but I feel that I need to let this go...let my crops wither. Wouldn't taking a hot bath be more rewarding?!
night,
k
P.S. Written why my avatar is seeding my fields! It must stop!!

As promised...

Well, two blogs in two days...must be a record for me! Thanks to all of you for your support with the sister drama...what a wonderful feeling to log in to my account and have encouragement waiting for me. Thanks so much.

Today was the most blah of days with the weather here in Houston down right yucky. Luckily, my little squirt and I were able to play and watch a lot of Sesame Street. Ok, we went to Taco Bell for lunch and it only cost $6.54, but I figured out how next time we can share less for about $4.50 ;-) We also went and looked at the baby furniture that my sister-in-law just put together for her little bundle soon to be making his/her debut. Luckily, I am so thankful to have her within the in-law crowd. We get along great and she always makes me smile. Love you Aunt Melissa.

Does anyone know where we can get the swine flu vaccine? Good gracious...trying to hunt it down! I hope you are all happy and healthy this week! Happy end to this dreary Monday, but so thankful Claire and I had a PJ day!
luv,
k

Sisters

I have come to realize that the relationship between sisters is one of a complicated nature. This relationship spans love, jealousy, pride, jealousy, anger, jealousy, and judgement...oh, and love.

I have this dream you see...a dream where my sister and I are best friends. I have had this dream for many years and it eludes me still. We are about as different as two people can get, with the only similarities causing us to clash like the Titans. Don't get me wrong...I love her and she loves me and if we were either in a life or death situation, the other would be there to save. With that said, we find ourselves on the opposite ends of a wide spectrum.

I am rather plump...she is stick thin. I have blonde straight hair...she has long curly dark hair. She loves running...I hate running. She loves Coach...I love Ross. She loves high heels...I love my Crocs. I love being Spring trash...she is an Inner Looper. I am emotional and an over-pleaser...she is emotional and has no need to please at all. She has her Masters in Business...I have my bachelor's in Psychology. She studied...I didn't. I need her...she doesn't need me.

Fortunately, to my 6 followers...she has never looked at my blog that I'm aware of, so my confessions will not be heard. If by chance they are...maybe it will help us. Even though I am the big sister, I feel like I'm always trying to live up to her. I'm always trying to make her proud of me, to no avail. And what is so funny is that I am so very proud of her. She is a strong, independent, and opinionated woman that has made a successful life for herself. I have told her many times how proud I am of her. I have never heard those words directed at me.

Excuse the pity-party. I hope some of you understand what I'm going through. I'm going to try and pray for us to "find" each other. I think I need to let go that constant strive to exceed her expectations because I probably won't even meet them. I need to be happy with my own accomplishments and feel self-satisfaction in my attributes. I should not worry about what other people think...even my sister.

So, I call out to you to tell me that I'm not crazy. That sisters are complicated...not just for me and mine. Take care this Sunday. I pray for a wonderful week for all of us! Apologies for my lack of blogging...will try and be better.
k

Sleep atrophy and other tales...

Dearest Readers,
How I have let you down. Thankfully, there are only a hand-ful of you to mingle. I am quite rightly embarrassed at my lack of blogging, but haven't had much notion to do so. Life is just not that interesting at the moment. Tonight, for example, after my Mom has made me believe that if I don't get more sleep that I'm going to die of the swine flu...I have chosen the lesser evil of going to bed early. (No, I don't yet have the swine flu). Lights were out last night at 8:15pm. Tonight it was 9:20pm, but then after the dogs woke me up twice...I am here.

Claire has been ill with a cold for a couple of weeks, was well one week, and then with "hand, foot, and mouth" disease the last week. Yuck, right? Really wasn't a big deal though and she has been fine for days. Today, I really did nothing...did dishes, did my husbands expenses for him (for selfish reasons, I assure you), played with Claire, argued about family plans for Thanksgiving, etc.

I have been contemplating a new "story" to render, but will keep it stewing for awhile. Saturday night, I went to a truly "fancy" surprise party and it was wonderful! I got to really talk with some of my new friends and see how I can still have fun after 8pm. I paid for it the next morning when Daniel was slow to rise with Claire and I ended up with her at 4:45am. Tonight, we began the process of pushing her bedtime, so that I don't die of swine flu and that maybe we could go out to dinner with our little babushka sometime! I'm hoping that we can get her to sleep until 6am...that would be heaven.

I guess that is it for now kids. Night.
k

One of those days...

How interesting that some days you just need to cry. You know what I mean? Brush teeth, shower, cry, eat lunch, etc. You actually realize that a good cry will help things. Everything is always brighter with Claire...she is so funny and sweet and tender. So, that helped. But then we met our good friends Melissa and Avery for some good Mexican food and girl talk and that made things all the better. Thanks Mel and Avery! Off to watch some "So You Think You Can Dance"!!
k

Sunday Drive

Dear Friends,
I just walked in the door from what was intended to be a nice and cheap family outing. Now, I must blog about it in order not to cry at the humanity of it all. As previously discussed, Daniel and I are trying to live off of mostly nothing to get some stupid stuff paid off. We have been locked in the house since yesterday as we all have a cold and don't want to expose anyone else. But, we were feeling a little cabin fever and thought we would go out for ice cream. This is cheap, right?

$7.89 to be exact for a large fry, large Diet Coke, small Frosty and medium Frosty. We pulled into a parking space and Daniel crawled in the back to share with Claire. She is a Smyth and we love our french fries and frosties! We are enjoying the moment of bottled air, but the beauty of a dreary day. Finally, I decided I wanted to head on home. We were at the Wendy's on Louetta and for any of you who live near...this is a big mess with them working on the road and intersection. I should have known.

I waited for an open space, to turn right. I was EVEN TURNING RIGHT! When I actually needed to go left in order to avoid the drama of turning left without a light. I waited for a large opening and pulled out. About five seconds later, and it was a long five seconds...I see a large SUV coming close to slamming into the back of me as her horn was blaring.

I was sure I had given myself plenty of room. I was sure that there were two lanes. Daniel says I was in the "right". But, honestly...that was beside the point.

As the SUV swerves into the left lane...horn still blaring...I turn and look. A harsh-looking woman in the driver's seat is leaning over the man in the passenger seat and I hear her scream through my closed window..."F$#@ing Idiot!!!" with her middle finger proudly unrolled with a fierceness at the end of her arm that I have never seen. Claire was still enjoying her Frosty in the backseat.

My afternoon outing with my family took a very sad turn. Something like that really gets to me. I try to quiet my mind and tell myself that maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she is a bad person. Maybe she will get what's coming to her. Daniel and I talked about the fact that this would be a "teaching" moment if Claire had been older.

At what point do we get that angry? Even if I pulled out in front her... At what point is it ok for us to completely denigrate our fellow man. It makes me sad in that moment...what world have I brought my daughter into? I know there is good...I have so many friends and family that prove that to me everyday. But, what if that disappointment of a woman was Claire's teacher or coach someday? I hope that she realized what she did was wrong. But, somehow I think not. I'm better now.

I got it out. God grant me the strength to finish the evening off joyfully.
k

Bin of Doom

I wonder how many of you have some piece of furniture, tub, treadmill that you refer to in your home as "______ of doom"? This place offers a safe haven to any and all collections of stuff that we have yet to find a place for or are too lazy to put it there. We have "bins of doom" in my home. I feel like it is a step up from using the treadmill as the dungeon because then there is at least the perception that I actually use the treadmill for some sort of exercise. That perception is lost when you see the thick layer of dust and dog hair that covers it.

Well, this afternoon I felt called to begin the task of disseminating the junk that has piled up in the bin of doom on the chair in my room. This certain bin of doom has been eating up the "lost" for approximately six months. I had pretty much decided to throw a lampshade on top and call it decoration. Anyway, I told Daniel yesterday that September was going to be "organization" month for us. Surprisingly, I began the task today around 4:30pm at Claire's "witching hour", but it worked out well since she helped me empty the bin of its prisoners.

Thusly...(not sure if I used that correctly) I have finished 98% of the job of finding homes for the wayward inhabitants of our bin of doom. Daniel got home tonight and gladly decided to help me make labels for files that needed to be created. I have attached a picture of his dutiful work. I feel jazzed that this large task is down to about a 45 minute closer project tomorrow. Weird how that is.
k

Today

So, Claire went down for a nap...I now can write. She goes to MDO for the second time today and I am diligently contemplating how I'm going to spend my time while she is gone. I feel the need to keep busy because I'm still not entirely comfortable without her for so long. So, my options thus far are to lay around the house, sew, run errands, or go to lunch and a movie with my Mom. The last idea sounds the best to me, but that would require moo-lah! Daniel and I have put ourselves on a very strict budget to pay some stuff off, so I'm down to $4 "fun" money, but I have some things to return at Jo-Ann's for approximately $15 which would cover the movie. Or so I justify... But, the idea of napping, watching my DVR shows or even reading sounds remarkably pleasant as well.

My problem is that each moment is precious...this seems to be a constant theme these days with me. So, laying around sleeping is fabulous, but what if that is precious time I could be spending with my Mom? I can sleep when I'm dead...right? Or, quite practically...I should be sleeping right now instead of blogging. Unfortunately, I love to write and had hoped to write everyday. Not happening. I guess I need to stop worrying about how I will spend my time and just spend it. I hope all of you readers out there (like all 4 of you ;-) have a wonderful day and don't waste your time worrying or planning too much. Just get out there and live life...I mean...I can get 3 bean burritos at Taco Bell for $4!
k

Great Expectations

Isn't it funny when the least of these becomes our greatest accomplishment for the day? My husband bought me a sewing machine for my five year anniversary, along with an Xbox 360 for himself...go figure! Well, as those of you who know me best know...I tend to abandon my lofty adventures. There was bike riding the MS 150...challenged myself to this twice and gave up twice, hand-quilting...need I say more, a blanket for my friend Carrie...it's about 3/4 done after two years...dieting...exercise (lather, rinse, repeat).

So, I had decided on Wednesday after I found out we had to have a sleep mat for MDO, that my next "project" had begun. I wanted Claire to have a special mat, despite the fact that she isn't going to sleep on it anyway. I found a pattern from a seemingly nice Mom's blog to try. Went to the store...bought all of the junk to make it...$50 later I was ready to begin. I've never owned a sewing machine, so the sewing was what I was worried about most. Who knew that cutting the fabric would be my decline. Yes, after two hours I had two large lop-sided pieces of fabric. My fears of abandonment (mine, not theirs) was rising. I stashed all of my goods in the corner of the hallway so as not for Claire to stab herself with pins.

After a few days...Daniel was back home and I decided I was going to do it. I was going to make this nap-mat or die trying. I went back to Wally-world and bought more fabric, since I had hacked up the last like Edward Scissor-hands. Last night, after Claire went to bed...we began. Daniel helped me get the pieces cut...we knew to fold it thanks to my dearest friend and seamstress, Renee. After that, and a few more "helps" along the way...I was on my own. After a fun night of Rockband...he went to sleep. My fears were bubbling up again...how could I go this alone?! I haven't been up past midnight in a year! (Kiddos will do that to you!) Yet, I forged ahead.

12:30a.m. Finished

Is it possible that I actually completed a task, and in a timely manner? Really? Claire's nap mat was complete minus someway to attach the tabs to keep it rolled up when not in use. Afraid of buttons, and decided against velcro due to all the carpet getting stuck in it. Any suggestions welcomed! Despite that miniscule abandon...I completed my project. She will have her nap mat on Wednesday. Again, I know she won't sleep in it, but I'm still proud! I have attached a picture of my accomplishment! Ooohs and Ahhhs are welcomed.
k

Half-Full

Do you ever have one of those moments, those moments of clarity? Of course you do, and for some of us they are fewer and far between than for others. My most recent came this evening as I opened the door to the Pizza Hut delivery man. Let me back up...the husband and I are trying to save money, pay stuff off, eat out less. So, while Daniel was flying out of town, I took the opportunity to order me a pizza. Pineapple, stuffed-crust...my favorite.

My littlest turd of a dog started barking. Claire is asleep. The doorbell rings before I can get it open...damn it. So, I open the door up to who seems to be a nice middle-aged Indian man. The total bill was $15.52 and I had already decided that I would give the delivery person my $20 bill. When I handed the guy the $20, he began to dig in his pockets for change. He looked up at me and with a smile, muttered something about change back and I told him that I didn't need change. At this point I'm digging in the box to make sure they remembered the ranch dressing. But, I noticed in his eyes the excitement of a fairly good tip.

This could have been my Dad.

Needless to say, I felt like a schmuck because the big tip was more because I didn't have change than it was just a nice thing to do.

How is it that in this vast world of immense beauty and God's glorious gifts, that we get caught up with the ranch dressing? We get caught up in the "me" game. I get caught up in the "me" game. So, the moral...tip big, and thank God you aren't standing with your hand out hoping for it.
k

Bible Study

Yea, I have my first follower!! Thanks Bobbi Jo! Just got back from Bible Study and I really got a lot out of tonight's lesson. We are going through the study "Growing Kids God's Way" by the Ezzo's. I recommend the series to anyone that has kids. Tonight was about the role the father has in their child's life and how important it is. Very good info! Unfortunately, Daniel is in Delaware. But, he is the best Dad to Claire...just wish he was home more. Claire had a 101.2 fever tonight, but I'm most certain its from the MMR shot last week...said 7-10 days later might get fever...day 8. I'm super tired, so maybe I will try creativity tomorrow. ;-)

Just when I thought I was a good parent...

Today began with a wake-up around 6a.m., which is abnormal in my household since my daughter wakes up between 4:30 and 5a.m. most days. In fact, it seemed that I had woken up on my own, without her sweet voice to rouse me. So, I slowly made my way to the bathroom and as I drizzle into the bowl, I'm thinking...maybe I should check on her. It's not like her to sleep so late. So, I head back to my side of the bed and looked for the monitor, noticing that the light wasn't on! I'm thinking it has died because I distinctly remember turning it on last night...nope...I turned it off in my sleep!! So, I flip the switch and there my sweet baby is...crying to the tune of "Get up you horrible mother!!!!". Luckily, she didn't seem to be in too terrible of sorts, as there were no major crocodile tears or red cheeks.

If that were not enough, I'm eating lunch with my Mom and rather sleepy and hungry baby... Well, I'm trying everything to keep her happy, so that my Mom and I can have a conversation. Hand her toy...on the floor. Hand her the lid to the puffs...on the floor. Hand her the spoon...on the floor. In my vacancy of thought I handed her a knife. Granted, not a steak knife, just a soft edged table knife, but nonetheless a knife! Now, after about 2 seconds I realized what I had done and snatched it away with a comment like "That wasn't a good idea...what was I thinking?" There was my Mom, and none too impressed. You would think after an inadvertent full night of sleep that I wouldn't be handing my one year old a knife to play with. Just when I thought I was a good parent...

Surrendering...

Let's get it started. To those of you who are married or have a significant other...at what point do you surrender to them. And by surrender, I don't mean "that" way you pervs! I mean in the way that if they hurt you or were hurt, it would almost kill you? Let me rephrase...my little teenage world was rocked by Michael in high school...I was in love and was crushed when it ended. Yes, this was teenage love...leaning against the wall outside of the movie theater...I'm thinking of where we are going to live when we get married and how many children we are going to have. He is thinking "when do I get to touch her boobs"! So, despite the depth of the relationship for him, it was deep for my 14 year old mind and it broke my heart. Hence, I have built the wall of china around it! My husband, who is my soulmate has been chiseling away at the thing for six years!

So, at what point do you throw caution to the wind and throw your heart on that butcher block...exposed. I just watched 20/20 and it was about a baby born with his heart on the outside of his body. That's what I'm afraid that vulnerability would be for me. But, thanks to his chiseling, and hacking, and chiseling...he is slowly finding that exposed place. I love him for his tenacity ;-)
k

Blogging?

Dear Friends,
So, I've never really blogged before except on my myspace page, which I never look at anymore anyway, therefore we will start this journey together. A little about me...my name is Kelly and Claire is my daughter..she just turned one. Tonight she went to bed without her pacifier for the first time. I was very proud of her, but a little part of me died at the same time...go figure...I didn't really need that part anyway! It makes me so sad that she is growing up...but, I know when those little milestones happen that I'm doing my job as a parent. I'm looking to get back to writing as that is one of my long time passions. Please forgive my grammar mistakes as I'm a little rusty. So, the template is set and I've got a few weak sentences down...now on to coming up with more material. Night!
Kell